Oct 6, 2011

Posted by in My Life's Quirks | 8 Comments

My Life’s Quirks – Birds Can Dance…and Apparently Shit While They Do

This is the story of something that my husband and were dealing with all summer long. All. Summer. Long. It is bizarre, slightly disturbing and you may lose sleep over it. This is just a little heads up for those of you who have a weak heart…

I have birds that live in the trees around my house. You think that’s shocking, just wait. Most notably there are blue jays, cardinals, robins, morning doves and sparrows. *shiver* sparrows…

Now look at this little face. The face of innocence. The face of absolute cuteness. But the truth is, these little guys like to dance. What is wrong with that you are asking? Well you see, apparently sparrows are vain little creatures and they like to look at themselves while they dance. And when they dance, they shit.

Yes, they shit. Poop, drop a load, do its business. Whatever you call it, the bird does it. And all summer, it’s been doing it by my car’s rear view mirror!

It all started one fine summer morning, the sun shining, the birds chirping (damn birds). When Jason and I, along with the two kids, head to the car to run an errand, this is what I encountered:

WTF and Ew Ew Ew!!! I mean seriously, what the hell is THAT about?!

So Jason washed the car and scrubbed the crap out of it…literally.  (You go babe!)  See, nice and shiny and pretty:

We thought “that was that” and we were finished with the strange bird poop on our car.  But the very next day…

What the?!… It was even worst!  So Jason washed the car…and it looked great.  Again.

But the next day… Yup, you guessed it…

Okay.  Now it was just getting weird.  Creepy arse crazy weird.  But that day, the mystery started to unravel itself for as we were sitting in the car waiting for my daughter to buckle up, a bird came flying to that exact spot and started flapping it’s wings like a mad-bird.  But as soon as it spotted us, it flew into the nearby tree.  “Well, that was interesting” we thought.  And what kind of bird was it?  You guessed it.  A Sparrow! *da da duuuuummmm*

So that cycle continued.  Jason would wash, the bird would shit.  Over and over and over.

We mentioned this strange cycle to my family one day while we were visiting and my Pepère told me that the same thing happened to him a few years ago.  He had gone to some store who knew what they were talking about when it came to outdoor stuff and they told him that the birds like to dance in front of the mirror, but get so excited while doing so, they poop…and dance in it.

Well EW and…well, not much else actually.  Ew pretty much covers it.

And so it went on. And on and on.  Every day the bird would leave us a new present and every day Jason would clean it.  I think it eventually started feeling insulted that we were eliminating it’s proof of happiness because soon it not only left us this…

…but this too:

That was when we though enough was enough.  Just when we were ready to do something mean and unthinkable, like cover our car mirror overnight or something (that would show it!), the bird stopped dancing.  Maybe some female sparrow broke his little heart and he didn’t feel like dancing anymore.  Maybe he got a bad haircut and didn’t want to look at himself anymore.  Whatever the reason, as out of the blue as it started, it stopped.  No more poop.

So remember, when you think of a little sparrow, think of the happy little chirpy bird who is just part of natures landscape, but remember that there is so much more to that little sneak.  They are a breed of bird who likes to shit while he dances – and spreads it all over your car.  He did it to me.  He’ll do it to you. *queue Psycho music*

Birds can dance…and apparently shit while they do.  Just another one of my life’s quirks.


  1. That is weird and quirky! Btw the bird could also have gotten eaten… by a cat.

  2. ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!! That is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard Julie! I was going to say cover the mirror and windows with towels but then you thought of that and then the bird stopped before you could try it. That’s just nuts though. At our house we had a huge problem with birds attacking our windows. They would see their own reflection and think it was the enemy and then attack the windows, every year when the birds start running into our windows (of the house I should say) we have to place foil in the windows so they don’t see a reflection and don’t attack. 😛 Birds are really very strange!

  3. Those nasty birds, but yes they gotta shit too

  4. LMAO! I may or may not have just peed a little. Note to self….Julie needs a car cover for Christmas. 😉

  5. LMAO… small things that amuses you….

  6. Hahahaha, the title of your post made me laugh. And then I read the post and was laughing all over again!
    Such a sweet little innocent face…

  7. Ally – For some odd reason, that makes me kind of sad…

    Deanna – I get birds crashing in my living room window often. The kids like to play with their cars on the windowsill and ask me to open my blinds. But when they are open, Bang! *sigh*

    blodeuedd – Yes, but dance in it?… lol

    Jen – I really do! LOL

    Bookaholic Cat – Dirty dirty girl… 😉

    Lexi – Sweet innocent…and totally ego-maniacal! lol

  8. I just read this to my husband I was laughing so hard I was crying. I was glad someone else had this problem to our little culprit was a red bird. Not only was it both side mirrors on our car it was 2 trucks and a motorcycle. We covered them with plastic bags even that didn’t work he kept on doing it. We were like you and was get ready to take drastic measures when it just stopped thank goodness. We thought the darn bird was crazy.Bad thing was it was anybodies vehicle who pulled into our drive. Might be a male thing cause mine was a male. Maybe its getting its technique down before he tries it on his lady friend haha. Love your story though I needed a good laugh to day.

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