Nov 9, 2011

Posted by in Silly Stuff | 14 Comments

Silly Stuff – Man Rules

Jason’s co-worker emailed this to him last week and he then forwarded it to me. I read it once, then again, then again. Each time I read it, I laughed SO hard I had tears in my eyes. Each time! Let’s see how you fare with this…

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.  Finally, the guy’s side of the story.

We always hear ” the rules ” from the female side.  Now here are ” the rules ” from the male side.  These are our rules !

Please note… these are all numbered “1 ” ON PURPOSE!

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.  (FIRST AND FOREMOST RULE)

1.  Learn to work the toilet seat.  You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.  We need it up, you need it down.  You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1.  Sunday sports, it’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.  Let it be.

1.  Crying is blackmail.

1.  Ask for what you want.  Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!  Just say it!

1.  Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1.   Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.  Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1.  Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.  In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1.  If you think you’re fat, you probably are.  Don’t ask us.

1.   If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1.  You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.  Not both.  If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1.  Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1.  Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1.  ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.  Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.  We have no idea what mauve is.

1.  If it itches, it will be scratched.  We do that.

1.  If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong.  We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1.  If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1.  When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really.

1.  Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Hockey.

1.  You have enough clothes.

1.  You have too many shoes.

1.  I am in shape.  Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this.  Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

One of the funniest things I have ever read.  It’s all very true…and I think that’s what makes it so funny.  Ladies, do you agree?  How about your men.  Do they agree and are they brave enough to admit that these are quite correct?  *g*

  1. Oh, yes, I agree that this is oh-so-true and very funny. I love the “sleep on the couch” line.

    No way am I showing this to my DH. He would think I agree to all of those points and there would be no living with him after that. Let him continue thinking there is no hope for me.

  2. OMG, that’s hilarious! Thanks for this mornings giggle… it’s like camping. ;o) smiles….

  3. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! LMAO
    Thank you for sharing, that was hilarious. 🙂

  4. I do not have too many shoes! Blasphemy! 😉

  5. I think someone should give this to every new bride it would solve so many problems. LOL
    I love that they’re all numbered “1”.

  6. I love:

    “If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.”

    lol

  7. I’ve seen this one before, but yes, it stays funny. And so true from the male point of view.

  8. Brilliant, love it! Sign under every word. :)))
    I figured most of this on my own and have a happy happy marriage :))

  9. Hahah I can’t wait for my husband to get home so I can have him read this!

  10. Dot – The ‘sleep in the couch’ line is one of the best. lol

    Christi – Jason (who has yet to be told to sleep on the couch – I prefer to threaten him sleeping in the car or the bathtub) says that the couch is not so much like camping. lol

    Bookaholic Cat – I LOVE the ’round is a shape’. Fun-ny!

    blodeuedd – I know, right?! 😉

    CdnMrs – Yes! Every new bride. LOL

    Carolyn – That was Jason’s favorite too. lol

    aurian – Scary true. lol

    kara-karina – Yay to your figuring it out on your own! That takes skill. lol

    Lexi – Should be interesting to see what he thinks. lol

  11. Hilarious and oh so true, subtlety is completely wasted on a man!

    Shelleyrae

  12. ROFLOL! Yeah that is hilarious and so many of them are SOOOOOO TRUEEEE! I think all women need to read these to understand their men just a little bit better. Very funny, it made my day. 😀

  13. Shelleyrae – Absolutely. My husband is complete proof of that. LOL

    Deanna – I still laugh when I read it – and I think I’ve read it 22 times. lol

  14. *snort* They really are simple creatures, aren’t they?

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