Seleste deLaney Guest Post plus giveaway
Remy (Remus) is a new character in Seleste deLaney’s Blood Kissed series. If you haven’t read the short story prequels, those are available from Decadent Publishing and many other online retailers.
The first novel in the series, Kiss of Death, releases next Tuesday, August 28th 2012 from Mundania Press.
Too many years of killer vamps have triggered the curse of the Blood Kissed. They’ve awakened the bloodline that can alter their world, because her blood has the power to control them all—even make them destroy each other.
Jocelyn thought her troubles with vampires were over when she drove a stake through her boyfriend Max’s heart a year ago. Even though she’s engaged to Chad now, she’s never really forgotten him. Now Max is back, and Chad is taking her into the heart of the vamp community—and they’re the ones trying to keep her alive. The ones who love her and each seek to claim her for their own. Because once the elders know who she is, they’re all going to want her… or want her dead.
Today, Remy is with us to talk about a subject near and dear to his blood-soaked heart—killing vampires. Take it away, Remy.
There are all sorts of reasons a person might want to kill a vampire. Revenge is always a personal favorite, and let me tell you humans are mighty tasty when they think they have God and right on their side. Blind rage, religious fervor, and panic are other, less delicious options. (Because let’s face it, those only have one seasoning in the blood—hardly worth the effort.) Then there are the perennially stupid. Trust me when I say we’re doing humanity a favor by thinning that particular herd, and it’s not a gourmet favor. Sewer rats are more palatable.
If, however, you are on a mission of vengeance—vamp killed your spouse, lover, sibling, child… you get the picture—there are some things to keep in mind.
– If you plan to succeed:
- Hahahahahahahahaha. Oh, that was insensitive. It is possible, so let’s pretend you’re smarter than the average human on a rampage.
- Make sure you’re going after a young vampire. The younger we are, the easier we are to kill. Stake through the heart will do it. Sunlight. Beheading. Fire. Most of the standard options. The older and stronger we get, the more screwed you are. And not in the good way.
- Bring weapons. Lots of weapons. The first one might fail you.
- Bring friends. Vampires will fight back. When we do, even a young one is likely to kill you if you’re alone. In a group, you stand a chance, or the vampire has a buffet. Either way, someone comes out a winner.
- Oh, and if you can get superpowers or mystical enhancements, do that. It improves your odds of survival exponentially.
– If you are simply desperate:
- Please use fresh lemon juice as cologne. It will cover up the bitterness of your despair.
– If you have a death wish and expect to fail:
- Don’t worry, you probably will. You’ll have some silly idea that holy relics will protect you and you’ll probably bring a short stake. If you couldn’t kill a human with it, I guarantee you won’t kill a vamp with it.
- Arrange your affairs in advance.
- When you run, and you inevitably will, please lead us on a wild chase toward a nice bottle of wine and some cheese to go with our dinner. Thanks.
The one other time people tend to go after vampires is as a career. Professional vampire hunters are few and far between. Individuals don’t last long, but groups tend to spring up about once every century or so. If you really have the itch to shove something long and hard into a vampire, I suggest you either let a female seduce you or join one of those groups. There’s a fifty-fifty chance they’ll lead you to a quick death, but if they know what they’re doing, you just might take down a few handfuls of bloodsuckers before your ticket is punched. (And by that I mean someone like me shoves their fist through your chest, rips out your beating heart and munches it like an apple.)
So, yeah, that’s it. Holy relics don’t do anything, aim for the young and weak, bring lots of weapons, and don’t go in alone.
Of course, if your real goal is just to come face to face with a vampire, by all means come to my club, Pandora’s Box. You will more than get your fill. So will we, and odds are, you’ll make it out alive.
Seleste is offering a digital copy of Kiss of Death to one lucky winner. To enter, just leave a comment below by Sunday August 26th 2012 11:59pm est. And would you like your comment to be worth two entries? Just mark Kiss of Death as “to-read” on Goodreads and you are in twice! If you mark it on GR, just say so in your comment please. Giveaway open internationally. Best of luck to all and THANK YOU Seleste for the chance to win!
And p.s. I read the prequel Of Course I Try and you can read my review here, if you are curious. 🙂