Sep 13, 2012

Posted by in Silly Stuff | 12 Comments

Stanley Dimitrious Answers Questions About Men

Today, I have invited my dear husband Jason Stanley Dimitrious to answer a few questions that we women have wondered about men for, well…pretty much forever. I am hoping he will be able to shine some light on a few ‘issues’ I we have with men in hopes of better understanding their species.
Let’s begin.

Question one:

The dishes ON the dishwasher instead of IN the dishwasher…

The dirty clothes NEXT to the laundry basket instead of IN the laundry basket…

WHY?

Answer:

First things first. I’m not a slob or a lazy bastard. Julie is planting evidence to make me look bad… But really, we’ve all be here with the laundry as it’s hard enough to concentrate about tossing the clothes into the basket let alone making the basket as well. “Who the fuck does she think I am? Lebron James?” The clothes on the floor is an illustration of a failure from our past. A missed basket can cause all kinds of post-traumatic stress. In reality, it’s a constant reminder of something that we could not accomplish. Most of the time,  if anything, it’s a cry for help for attention from our wife. I’ve noticed that a blow-job, supper and or ice cream while receiving a blow-job can remedy the situation nicely. See what I did there? 🙂

At first I thought Julie wanted me to comment on the creepy REDRUM message on the dishwasher but she really meant the cup on top of the dishwasher. But really? This is a “why? ” moment? Why on earth would I put the effort into opening the dishwasher and putting the dish in there when I know that if I just leave it here and there it will make its way in there? It’s really all about averages. The better things are sexually, the less I have to do. Finding a balance is really key here. You don’t want to piss of the wife to the point where you have to run to the hills, just annoy her enough so that she looks after your orphaned dishes and looks after you too, if you know what I mean. 🙂 Damn I should give pep talks about this and make millions.

Wow…just wow.

Okay, question two:

You are a gamer.  You play one particular online multi-player game all the time and have been for over ten years.  What is it about running around a fictional world as a female character dressed in skimpy little armor outfits while carrying a huge arsed sword and beating the sh*t out of harmless tree roots and mushroom people that is so appealing to you?

Answer:

Ok so I’ve been playing Final Fantasy XI for over 10 years and yes, I do love it and it’s a ton of fun. The female character you ask? Well it was really quite simple. In the beginning it was to role play as a female and trick other players into helping a woman. It started out as just jokes but it was crazy how boys would just flock to me and want to help me out. So it was great getting things done pretending to be some horny female. Now that I’ve matured and the people whom I play with all know I’m a guy, I guess the benefit to play a woman is that I don’t have to stare at man ass as it runs around the screen for hours on end.

Oh and for the bashing things in like little tree people and mushroom dudes.. Well… just think about what kind of dominant I’d be if I didn’t have my outlet for pummeling things? It’s amazing how good it feels to beat the crap out of things with a few friends.

I suppose not wanting to stare at a man’s ass explains things now.. O-o

And finally question three:

What is it about the words “Don’t bother me tonight because I really really really want to read my book” that makes you so horny.  I mean, every time I say those words you suddenly become some prowling jungle cat.  You stare at me from across the room with this predatory look on your face!  Honestly, it’s kind of creepy.

Answer:   This is easy. Men like what they can’t have. Let’s face it, when you have a good book on the go, you get the sex drive of a mushroom to couple it. Which to me doesn’t make any sense. Why do women not want to have crazy sex with the husband when they’re reading the crazy sexy book with all the juicy parts? Oh wait… I think I’m answering this one all on my own… It’s because of that damn imagination of theirs. Sigh… But really, how is possible not to be excited when you know your woman is reading about a penis and a vagina and possibly a few other vaginas and that same penis… Oh yes, glorious I know, and we’re expected to sit by idly like an obedient dog? Well we do really. It’s kinda sad because we have to wait our turn from the fictitious world that our loved one has escaped to. But it comes with the territory when you have a book bitch for a wife; I mean that in the most loving way too. 🙂

Wow…I expected sex to be part of the third question’s answer but I was not expecting to see it every answer!  I’m starting to wonder if I will have that part two of this interview that I was thinking about having someday… 😉

Thanks for you er, help babe in helping me (and maybe even others though I’m doubting it right about now) understand you men better. 

 

  1. This post is hilarious! I’m about to move in with my boyfriend so we’ll see what crazy things he comes up with, lol. I loved the clothes hamper explanation.

  2. **SNORT**

  3. “a book bitch for a wife” LMAO! Stanley Dimitrious is too much.
    Thank you for the laughs.

  4. Bf throws the clothes just outside the bathroom door..such a mystery

  5. Awesome!!! Reading this made my day. 😉

  6. LOL…your hubs cracks me up!!! I used to think I was jealous of you, Julie, but now I know that I’m not!!! lol Unfortunately, your hubs is just like mine,(maybe a little bit funnier), a horny messy gamer!! LOL

  7. Wow…I expected sex to be part of the third question’s answer but I was not expecting to see it every answer!

    It was kind of impressive how he managed to work into every answer. There were a few where I thought “There’s no way he can turn this dirty” but… nope! He did it every time. Your man has a gift! 🙂

    Notably, mine does the same thing with the laundry. I used to pick it up, now I’ve forced myself to develop selective blindness, and let the laundry pile build until it drives him completely nuts (since he vehemently claims to hate clutter, it’s only a matter of time), and then he picks it up himself. It helps that we’ve both agreed to do our own laundry have separate baskets.

    So, thank you for the instructional post, Stanley and Julie! I’m not sure how enlightened I really feel, but it sure was an enjoyable read. 😉

  8. My husband does tbe whole leaving laundry beside the washing basket, or even worse, leaving his football kit in a bag right in front of the washing machine urggghhh it drives me mad. Nice to see that I’m not alone and I have to say the questions and answers really made me laugh!

  9. Awesome. That sums it up right? And Dimitrious is so right about being a female character, guys do the most stupid things when they see a hot chick. Really, the lengths they will go to is mind boggling…but I make sure to use it to my advantage hehehe.
    Thanks for the great post, and for sharing some of your hubby Julie!!

  10. bwahahahahaha… Stanley Demetrius is a genius 🙂

  11. LOL glad to see Stanley back and ca”t wait to read the 2nd part of the interview 😀 lol and I’m amazed Julie too that sex became part of the answer at every single Q LOL 😀

    ps. Julie I hope in the next interview you”ll ask about the toilet seat. One mystery I’d like to understand… 😉

  12. Lol, great questions Julie. I suspected he would claim not to know which laundry basked to pick for which laundry. I am very happy to say, that my boyfriend does put his laundry IN the hampers. But, putting something in the empty dishwasher is something he just doesn’t see. And to be honest, I prefer loading it myself as he makes strange choices where to put things.

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