Jul 4, 2013

Posted by in Guest Posts | 4 Comments

Guest Post – A Trip To The Mothership

Stanley is back and today he’s going to tell us all about the first time he went to the bookstore to pick out a book to review…all by himself.  That’s right.  I did not suggest this book to him or anything.  He wore his big boy pants and chose what to read.  Let me tell you, this trip to my favorite place on earth was definitely more entertaining than usual…

As I get older and learn more about how to survive in a marriage, I pick up little tools that I use to my advantage to either get out of doing things or to have things that I like done happen. Like the dishes or romantic attention past 10:00pm on a school night. Albeit, I’m far from a master but knowing when to bend for her can really help her bend for you. Dirty. Yes I know.

That being said, I’ve agreed to write a few posts on the blog and even read a few books. If it were up to me I’d be reviewing the entire Terry Brooks catalog or some older works by Piers Anthony, but where the challenge in that? I read a lot of these guys when I was grounded from Nintendo as a kid. I think I read the entire Sword of Shannara series during a week-long punishment for throwing a fit at the cottage. I was a difficult kid, but I digress, really.

So I’m reading books and writing blog posts because it makes my wife happy and who knows, I might just read something that I like in the process. Getting out of the book comfort zone was tricky but Julie ranted and raved about these books so I figured “What’s the worst that could happen?” I end up reading something that spends the better part of a chapter describing some dudes nipples and shapely shoulders. Besides, I’m creative enough where I could turn that into something heterosexual and rub one out with the help of Sears catalog bra section. Crude, but effective.

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So the first step in my book blogging transformation was to go to the book store and pick out something to read. It really sounded easy until I saw the section of books and complexity of the genre.

“What about this one?” I said.

“Oh, that’s a paranormal, suspense thriller mostly for young adults” Julie replied.

“Um, okay, what about something like this?” I reply.

“That’s like the 13th or is it the 14th book in her clockwork of doom series. You’d need to start with her clockwork of dread series first to get the characters.” Julie hums as she’s inspecting the books in the section like an assembly line robot.

“Er.. What about something like this?” I ask again.

“That’s the Black Dagger Brotherhood and you thought that was too violent. I can find some contemporary romance for you if you want?” Julie answers.

“Did you want to dry fuck in the Self Help section?”

“Wha- Sorry what did you say?”

“Fuck it, I’m getting a coffee at Starbucks.”

Needless to say, my abilities at picking something to read, especially in the romance neck of the woods leaves much to be desired. The first few books I picked up solely to make fun of. Shirtless dudes in kilts and nipples that look like small LEGO pieces just make me laugh. That last shirtless kilt dudes I saw was in Braveheart. Have you seen Mel Gibson lately? Gross.

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I then would look for something with an appealing cover. I learned this tactic when looking for books at the library that talked about sex. If you were perceptive enough, you could pick the books that had real people doing all the sex positions and anatomy pictures as opposed to those embarrassing books that had the awkward drawings. Finally, I was able to pull something off the shelf that contained a pretty cool cover and a well versed back cover. It really wasn’t that painful but there was a part of me that would have rather been playing with the trains with the kids in the toy section.

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Was I successful in my book selection? Well, I just finished reading it this yesterday evening and even though it was like book 9 of 13 or something like that it wasn’t that bad (review coming tomorrow) Trips to the bookstore don’t have to be that bad. Armed with a little bit of patience and some expert advice it can be enjoyable… Somewhat… Maybe a little… Only if there is the promise of dry humping.

Stanley

  1. Lol I am looking forward to reading your review, as I am very curious which book you took home with you. I would think that Julie’s TBR would be high enough to pick something good from.

  2. #1 Stanley fan. 🙂

  3. The best part of this post are the pictures. Love Mrs. Dimitrious’ faces.

  4. LOL. Dry humping is the reason for reading these books in hopes that it leads to wet humping.

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