When my wife started reading Paranormal Romance novels, I thought it was pretty cool. She was happier, more adventurous and no longer a lake trout. But lately, the book thing has been spiraling into a cesspool of obsession and my arousal has turned into concern. I think my wife is addicted to Paranormal Romance books. Here are the top signs that have lead to my distress:
Top 10 Reasons I Think My Wife is Addicted to Paranormal Romance Novels
10. I’ve had to change my name to Stanley Dimitrius just to get some attention.
9. She asks me what ‘team’ I cheer for and is unhappy when I say the Pittsburgh Penguins.
8. She demands I start speaking with a Scottish brogue.
7. She used a Sharpie marker and drew a six pack onto my stomach.
6. She got mad at me when she discovered I don’t sparkle in the sun.
5. She wants me to stop saying “eh?” and start saying “true?”
4. She says she likes bones, but it’s not the one I think.
3. She’s talking about changing our son’s name to Dahniel and our daughter’s name to Ehmilie.
2. Pillow talk usually involves the phrase: “OK, now in this scene…”
1. While trying to be romantic, I whipped ‘it’ out and she used it as a bookmark.
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