Jul 17, 2010

Posted by in Guest Posts | 20 Comments

Guest Post – I Think My Wife is Addicted to Books

When my wife started reading Paranormal Romance novels, I thought it was pretty cool.  She was happier, more adventurous and no longer a lake trout.  But lately, the book thing has been spiraling into a cesspool of obsession and my arousal has turned into concern.  I think my wife is addicted to Paranormal Romance books.  Here are the top signs that have lead to my distress:

Top 10 Reasons I Think My Wife is Addicted to Paranormal Romance Novels

10. I’ve had to change my name to Stanley Dimitrius just to get some attention.

9.  She asks me what ‘team’ I cheer for and is unhappy when I say the Pittsburgh Penguins.

8.  She demands I start speaking with a Scottish brogue.

7.  She used a Sharpie marker and drew a six pack onto my stomach.

6.  She got mad at me when she discovered I don’t sparkle in the sun.

5.  She wants me to stop saying “eh?” and start saying “true?”

4.  She says she likes bones, but it’s not the one I think.

3.  She’s talking about changing our son’s name to Dahniel and our daughter’s name to Ehmilie.

2.  Pillow talk usually involves the phrase: “OK, now in this scene…”

1.  While trying to be romantic, I whipped ‘it’ out and she used it as a bookmark.

  1. This is hilarious, I had a good hearty laugh at this 🙂

  2. Hahaha! Love them all (esp #6), too funny 🙂

  3. First off Julie, I think is freaking awesome your hubby is posting on your blog!! Awesome!! My hubby is totally supportive my of reading habits and bloggy time, even going so far as to assist me in staging for my photos in my Z and Bella post for BDB week. Yep, I got him to play with dolls in the name of blogginess.

    “5. She wants me to stop saying “eh?” and start saying “true?””

    I demand this of my husband as well, but he hasn’t given in yet. Must be because he’s British? I blame all things on his being British. HA!

    My husband also draws the line at wearing fake vampire fangs to bed. Party pooper! So “Stanley” consider yourself lucky Julie hasn’t thought of the fangs yet. *g*

  4. Marianne says:

    Freakin’ funny and TRUE DAT!

  5. Yup! He’s a funny guy!
    I’m glad you all liked it. I guess I’ll allow him to keep writing stuff (if we wants to).
    FV – fake fangs?! lol

  6. This is ahb-so-lute-ly hilarious! Your hubs and mine would get along well, true? 😉

  7. Yeah I’m the one with the sense of humor in the relationship! Wait till you all get a load of my next post. It’s a short story about what I did when faced with a challenge and all I had was a rhubarb pie, a garden hose, a diving helmet, a bible and a small colony of ants.

  8. …Oh goodness *sigh*

  9. “1. While trying to be romantic, I whipped ‘it’ out and she used it as a bookmark.”

    Damn near peed my pants after reading that.

    It’s incredibly sweet that the hubs stopped by to post while you were out.

  10. What a great guy you’ve found – so funny!

    I just found your blog and am enjoying it so far! We have a similar background (except I read the Twilight series in Oct. 2008!) I’m following now and can’t wait to see what you post next!

  11. Hey Twimom (great name!) Yeah, he’s pretty special, I guess 😉

    Thanks for following! It means a lot to me! I post everyday except for Sunday (gotta rest some day) lol.

  12. I love your hubs!!

    Bones…LOLOLOLOL

  13. lol your hubby is adorable! LOVE this list.

  14. Lol, saw that Mandi twittered about this and had to check it out, too funny 😀

  15. Mandi, Camille – he has his moments…

    blodeuedd – thanks for stopping by!

  16. LMAO. Sooo funny ! Really enjoyed reading this!

  17. LMAO!!!! great post….now the question is….does he do all that stuff?

  18. Bones!
    True!

    AHAHAHAHA this post is made of pure awesome!

  19. First time I read this post!
    OMG This was so funny. Your hubs is hilarious!
    I’ll have to show this post to DH so he’ll stop complaining (he doesn’t not complain (much), but anyway). To show him that It’s not just me and he’s not alone 🙂

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