Jul 17, 2013

Posted by in Silly Stuff | 8 Comments

Silly Stuff – Childbirth Q&A

'Reaction 2' photo (c) 2008, DAVID Swift - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

OMG I laughed so hard when I read this. Once again, this gem comes from Anyone Can Be Cool, But Awesome Takes Practice. I especially love the question about the epidural and the question about pain vs pressure.

Let me know which is your favorite 🙂

Childbirth: Questions & Answers

Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.

Q. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after finishing high school.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A. Childbirth.

Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
A. So what’s your question?

Q. How long is the average woman in labor?
A. Whatever she says, divided by two.

Q. My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.

Q. Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.

Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby’s mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife act normal again?
A. When your child is in college.

LMAO!!!
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  1. O.M.G…these are hilarious Julie!!! I loved the sanitizing the nipples one and the pain vs. pressure one! I always love when they say, “Are you sure it’s pain you’re feeling or pressure?” SERIOUSLY! I told you that it’s HURTING, so it might be “pressure” in your book but it’s clearly PAIN to me!! 😛

  2. Lol, I love the 35 is enough 😉

  3. They’re all so true, I can’t choose just one!!!

  4. OMG these are great. My favorite was the pressure vs pain one. Hilarious!

  5. Erica Pillera says:

    Hilarious!!!!

  6. These are great Julie, I’m sending this post to BFF… she’s pregnant. 🙂

  7. LOL love this one:

    Q. My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
    A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

  8. Ahahahaa!!!
    If it’s the flu you will get better.
    That was so true for me! Like having the flu for 9 months! Thanks for sharing these Julie!!

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