May 5, 2014

Posted by in Question | 9 Comments

Question – Sex or Talk. Which Is More Important To You?

Question Visual Again

When I first started reading romance books, I was taken by complete surprise by one thing:  there was descriptive sex in the books!  You are allowed to giggle at that.  You see, I honestly had no idea that you found sex in most romance books.  Remember, my reading beginnings stem from YA so no sex there.  Then I read Poison Study by Maris V Snyder.  Great book and yes, sex, but not in detail.  Then I tried Dark Lover by JR Ward and Whoa Nelly…lots of sex!!!  Actual sex!  Talk of swollen members going into you know where and things being sucked on and everything!!!

So naturally, when I first discovered that romance books = sex and that I rather enjoyed what it added to the story and the characters, I sought more out.  I used to keep an ear out to see what books people were claiming were the ‘hottest’ and those would be the ones I would try.  Now, almost 5 years later, I am finding that the sex parts of romance books is not as important to me as they once were.  In fact, if I don’t feel it adds to the story but is simply planted there to add an element of steam, I will skim through it.

What is most important to me now is talk.

I LOVE reading great dialogue between a romantic hero and heroine.  What they say and how they say it to each other will capture me and pull me into their bubble.  I crave that time with the main couple and find I get annoyed with a book if there isn’t enough couple “alone time”.  But the alone time I crave to read now is not like the alone time I craved when I first started reading romance.  Now, I want to know the couple click on an intellectual level and emotional level.  Not just a physical one.  I need to know that they can banter and snark and be sweet, smart and romantic.  And not just with penises.  I need to know that they are completely meant for each other and not just a combustible match in the sack.  I crave more and I expect more.

So for me, what is more important in a romance book is talk.  What about you?  Sex or talk.  Which is more important?

  1. Northwoman says:

    Yes, this is very good Julie. I enjoy both but really like the new hit by Karmin – “I Want It All!”

    But if I have to choose one thing, what I crave is the intimate dialogue. BUT there are times when I just want hot & sexy. Those won’t stay with me as long as the intimacy will and the true intimacy requires the same three qualities as in real life: intellectual, emotional AND physical connections.

  2. I love to write and read talking during sex 😀

  3. I used to like both, but lately I’m not enjoying the “sexy times” as much as I used to and end up skimming them, as you do.
    So, for now, talk is more important, maybe tomorrow sex will be more important, who knows.

  4. I used to want sex so bad, but it depends on the book at times. If it’s one of those addictive books I want sexy times, but I think talk is important too. I rather have great dialogue b/c that’s what the majority of the book is, the talking.

  5. What a great question! I noticed a shift over time, too. I’d like to believe that I’ve become more discriminating…but maybe it’s just desensitized to the descriptions of sex. I read so much that a lot of it became formulaic…with sexual encounters appearing to be thrown in every so many pages. And repetitive….yeesh!

    HOWEVER, there are still a number of authors whose stories drive the sexy times so seamlessly that I still find them thrilling. For me it’s always been essential that the story is the driver; that’s how I distinguish the erotic from the porn.

    And in truth, even dialog can become boring if it’s not handled well.

  6. I think there needs to be a bit of both. I don’t like reading romance books that are all about sex scenes because the scenes do not mean a whole lot if the couple has no emotions or “talk”. I feel that a great romance can mix the steam in with the great couple who talks and has real feelings for each other. I don’t want the steam to be kept out of romance stories because it is a part of life and relationships. Like any good relationship there needs to be talk and sex.

  7. I definitely need both. I don’t like when a book all about the sex OR when it just skims over the sex.
    In the books with too much sex, I want more dialogue, more internal thoughts about the relationship and life, etc. Yeah, sure the sex is hot, but how are the characters getting along? How did they get there? Etc, etc.
    But when the author skims over the sex scenes, I feel like something is missing. I like that intimate glance into the character’s lives; I think it’s an important component into what makes characters work.

  8. Michele says:

    In order for me to really, really love a book, it has to have both. They are both essential, in my estimation.

  9. Great question Julie, as you all know, I don’t like to read erotica, and like Blodeuedd, I skim a lot of the sex scenes in a book, with some very notorious exceptions.
    So my vote goes to dialogue.

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