Sep 30, 2010

Posted by in My Life's Quirks | 13 Comments

My Life’s Quirks – My Husband Brings Weird Shit Home

My husband has a history of bringing things home with him.  Things that are not necessarily good for this family.  But my poor Jason just doesn’t have it in his heart to say no to his friends who are offering.  He’s so worried to hurt their feelings that he’ll lug these things into his car and drive them all the way home just to please them.  Here are some examples:

He’s brought home CDs and DVDs of musicians that I’ve never heard of or of musicians that he would never ever be interested in listening to!  Jason is huge into music.  In fact, he was born with perfect pitch and can easily recreate a piece of music after hearing it only a couple of times.  He also writes his own music from time to time.  His co-workers know this about him, so they often bring up the subject of music at work.  Jason is quite particular about what he likes to listen to, but when one of his co-workers arrives at Jason’s desk and is super excited about the latest Dixie Chicks CD AND includes a video of the band live and in concert, Jason begins to feel his co-worker’s excitement as if it’s contagious…until he gets home.  Then he lets the disc and video collect dust on the microwave (our catch all spot) until I stick the music in his lunch bag a couple of months later so he can take it back.

He’s also brought home books.  I’m still not sure how he gets away with this one.  It’s a very similar situation to the one with the music above.  But, it’s very hard to fake reading a book!  Sure, with a music video you can say “I especially liked that part where the beat changed and the drums went bang bang” and you’ll be okay.  But a book?!  Not really…  I wish I was a fly on the wall two months after he brought it home when I put it in his lunch bag and he gives it back to the person who thought it was so incredible that Jason just had to read it!

He’s brought home a fish tank with all the fish paraphernalia…but no fish.  I didn’t mind.  I didn’t want fish, or any other pet really because I knew that eventually I would be the one responsible for them…alone.  But Jason did get to do the “I told you so” dance with the tank as we eventually used it to house our turtle.  Yes, I am aware that a turtle is a pet…

He’s brought home an outdoor basketball net, stand and all.  Now this was great, except that we live on a country highway and would never allow our kids to play in the front yard or on the driveway…and our backyard is all lawn.  Can’t bounce a ball on grass!  Jason’s co-worker won it and lived in an apartment so she graciously offered it to Jason knowing that he has kids.  It was really thoughtful of her, but really Jason.  Once he got home and attempted to get it out of the car, he realized that perhaps it wasn’t the best idea he’s had in his lifetime.

He’s brought home the biggest TV I’ve ever seen!  Now, that doesn’t sound so bad, and I was actually excited about this one…until I saw the thing.  Where in the hell would we put it?!  And not only that but how long would it be before it fell over and crushed one of the children? It was a projection TV and the monstrosity came attached to its own stand and was at least five feet tall!  After deciding that it really just wouldn’t fit anywhere, it was passed on to some other sucker a friend.

This is my most favorite one.  The one that really cemented the fact that Jason was so concerned with the feelings of his friends that he really didn’t care what it did to him.  Jason once brought home…a shopping bag filled with various porn magazines.  Oh but that’s not all.  He also brought home a blow up doll – the one with her ‘mouth and other various holes open for his pleasure’!  Who knew there were so many different porn magazines out there?!  And the doll…I’m sorry but that’s just creepy!  When I asked him what the hell, he just said that his friend’s wife wanted them out of her house so her daughter wouldn’t find them and asked Jason if he would be interested.  Because it’s not like he has kids or anything.  And she knew that!  When I pointed that out to him, he just looked at me with ‘lost little puppy’ eyes and said that his friend’s wife kind of scares him and he didn’t want to hurt her feelings!  LMAO!  Okay, I get it…she’s an intimidating woman.  But c’mon babe…porn! We looked at the magazines together and laughed, then the recycling guys got them.  I bet they were happy. 😉  And the doll…straight to the garbage bin.

What this shows me is, that when it comes to his friends, Jason is a softy.  But what it also shows me is that, no matter what it will do to him or his image or his self esteem, my husband has a heart of gold and that he would do anything for his friends.

My husband brings weird shit home.  Just another one of my life’s quirks.

  1. It must be a guy thing – my husband brings weird stuff home too.

  2. My hubs knows that if he brings weird stuff home, it will go into the trash when he leaves the next day for work 😉

  3. Thank goodness I am not the only one that has this issue. My husband once brought home a missle or small rocket! It didn’t have anything inside of it, but I asked him “Where the **** are we supposed to put this shit?!” It stayed in the freaking basement the entire time! Like why it home to begin with!

  4. Patti – My friends don’t have this issue so I thought I was the only one. It’s nice to hear I’m not alone. 🙂

    Mandi – I’d feel too bad throwing out the stuff that he has to return, but the rest…not a bad idea. 😉

    Bells – Really? A missle?! LOL That’s too funny!

  5. LOL…. I’m pretty sure I’m responsible for 3 of those examples…LOL In my defense he did want the TV at first…

  6. Too funny Julie, at least you guys can laugh about it. I’m sure some wives wouldn’t be so understanding. =) Good post, thanks for the laugh!!

  7. BigSmooth – I wanted the TV too…until I saw that it was bigger than you! (Okay, not so much, but you get my drift! lol)

    Angela – I may not laugh if one day he brings home a dog…DO YOU HEAR ME JASON?! 😉

  8. LOL Julie….a think it might be a man thing!! But what i want to know is what Jason “really” does with the stuff u put back in his lunch? I cant imagine he gives them back!!

  9. Lol love it! Very strange.

  10. Sharon – You think he secretly kept the Dixie Chicks stuff?! 😉

    Ally – Yes, it is strange isn’t it?! lol

  11. This probably one of the most entertaining things I’ve read all day. Luckily I don’t have to deal with my boyfriend bringing random stuff home but, I do have to deal with the fact that he likes to keep EVERYTHING.

  12. Yeah. No. No random stuff coming home. I’ll trash it!!

  13. Jen – Jason claims I like to keep everything. Yes, I do keep ’emergency craft supplies’ that include things that should have gone into the recycling, but at least I organize my stuff… 😉

    FV – Good for you girl! 🙂

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