Nov 4, 2010

Posted by in My Life's Quirks | 14 Comments

My Life’s Quirks – Things I Read About That Make Me Say “Yeah, Right?”

I read romance novels.  I would think by now that that little tidbit is common knowledge.  😉  Often in romance novels, certain situations arise (tee hee) that make me *swoon*.  Other situations will make me *blush*.  And other situations will make me stand up and cheer “Ooo yeah, there you go big boy.  Ride it, ride it, ride it!”  But the odd time, a situation will not make me all giddy and satisfied.  Sometimes a situation will just make me say “Yeah, Right!”

One such situation involves a man with callused fingers.  I understand the appeal of a man with callused fingers.  It means he works with his hands and that he’s not a pansy that just sits back and lets everyone else do his work for him.  It means he’s not afraid to get his hands a little dirty.  It means he’s a man’s man.  But when ‘callused finger man’ and ‘hot chick’ are in bed together and he starts “circling her breasts with his callused fingers then plays at her perfectly pink nipples until they tighten just for him and show him just how turned on she is”, and when she starts to think that these callused fingers feel wonderful on her bare skin, I start thinking “Yeah, Right!”.  A callus is a patch of skin that has been toughened due to repeated friction.  This causes the skin to not be able to shed normally, therefore staying thick and rough.  Ick.  How is it that toughened, roughened skin brushing up against nipples or other areas turns our heroine on that much?  I just don’t get it.  You’d think it would scratch.  Or itch.  Or really gross you out.  Maybe there is wine involved…or vodka.

The other situation that really, really gets me scratching my head is the ‘three guys and a girl’ scenario.  This is usually seen in erotica titles.  Honestly, I had never even thought of a situation involving more than one man and one girl until I read Lauren Dane’s Laid Bare.  In that story, you have two guys with one girl.  I wondered where this idea came from and how on earth that would work — and if this really occurred in real life.  The more I thought about it, the more I thought that there was no way that would work.  Then I changed my tune a little since that particular scenario involved a woman, a bi-sexual man and a sort of bi-curious man.  I thought that maybe it could work.

Soon after that, I read Maya Banks’ Be Mine.  Good characters, good story, but you have three straight men all wanting a relationship with one woman.  And let me make this clear.  They want them all to be in this relationship together and at the same time.  (Okay…whoa.)  They all live together in the same house, each have their own room but then there is the communal room they can all ‘share’ at the same time.  (Ooookaaaay.)  I just couldn’t stop thinking about the woman.  The poor woman!  Yes, she is adored by three men.  Three men who would do anything (and I mean anything) for her.  She is treated like a goddess.  But men are men, and she’s a woman.  Men are jealous beings.  Possessive beings.  And women have a strong sense to please everyone.  Women don’t tend to like leaving anyone out or making anyone unhappy.  Especially those she loves.  (Oh, and don’t even get me started on the whole love part.  Being madly and equally in love with three men at the same time?!)  The woman in this story was worried about having private, one on one time with each man and how the other two men would react.  Or wanting time with two of the guys, leaving one ‘out’.  How would the guys react to that?  How would jealousy not turn it’s ugly head?  At least that part of the story was somewhat realistic.

But think about it.  Men have higher sex drives than women.  That is why a gay couple will typically have more sex than a heterosexual couple, and a lesbian couple tends to have the calmest sexual relationship.  So this poor woman who is in a relationship with three horny men will be on her back with her legs sprawled open all the frickin’ time!  I figure it would be physically impossible to make all the men happy all the time and emotionally impossible too!  At first she might not mind, but after a while you’d think she’d just stand up and yell “get the heck off of me and let me have just one night to sit on the couch and watch Glee!”  Add in the guys’ jealousy and possessiveness and these stories just make me say “Yeah, Right!”

On the surface, these two scenarios make lovely and steamy stories.  But one of the best part of reading is being able to use your imagination and place yourself into the story.  And more often than not, place yourself in the heroine’s place.  The calloused fingers I can usually get by.  I just ignore that part and imagine that the dude just had a paraffin wax hand treatment before he stopped by that evening.  But the three-guys-and-one-chick thing?!  I might like to be the girl for all of three seconds, until I realize that this situation is just a ‘little’ out of whack.  I just don’t see the appeal.  I just don’t get it.

Things that make me say “Yeah, Right!”  Just another one of my life’s quirks.

  1. How about callused fingers in the woman’s hoo haa? Oh so sexy… *rowl*

    Maybe in my next book I can have my couple snuggle on the couch and watch Glee together. 🙂

  2. The 1st time I read a “2 or more guys with one woman” story, I loved it. By the 10th, I’m like, seriously? And now there is so much of that sameness: goddess with numerous alpha men in love with her. Everytime the woman enters a room, a guy pounces on her. Yeah it sounds hot, but if it were me, and I couldn’t read or be on Twitter or just nap, I’d go crazy after a few weeks. The novelty would soon wear off and I’d want time to watch Supernatural, dammit.

  3. That would suck to be one of the 3 guys but on the flip side at least you’re not the only guys she’ll nag at…lol

  4. I think I read one where the chick had a harem. There is a reason women don’t have harems…LOL. We don’t want them. Managing one man is hard enough, I couldn’t imagine two, much less more. Well Alpha males anyway. I guess if you had a few weaklings that you could order around and they didn’t whine that would be kind of nice.

    I’ve read a few gross things in romance that I definitely didn’t find sexy that the heroine was all like Oh Yeah…and I was like Oh No! This was a great post. Thanks for sharing.

  5. Katie – Yes! Watch Glee together! lol I just mean, I know it’s a romance book, but why does there have to be sex every night! 😉

    Stacy – “The novelty would soon wear off” Very well said!

    BigSmooth – I love a guys point of view on this! And of course the ‘spreading of the nagging’ would be a perk on your list… 😉

    Parajunkee – Oh oh. Think of some of the gross things you read about and come back on Monday. That maaay be the topic of my ‘Question’. 😉

  6. Lol this made me giggle! 🙂

  7. I also read a Maya Banks story that I couldn’t wrap my head around. The book is called Coulter’s Woman and it’s got that same 3 guy to 1 girl set up. I finished it a couple of days ago and I still scratch my head everytime I think about it.

  8. HA! I just read Colter’s Woman by Maya Banks and I thought the same thing “Yeah right, there’s no way 3 guys aren’t going to get jealous” and no matter how much the author tries, there is always an odd man out.
    I ask Why? Is a good ol’ fashion 3-some just too vanilla these days that it has to be a 4-some in order to really steam things up? 🙂

  9. Now you’re just taking all the fun out of erotic romance Julie. Of course this stuff happens. All the time. You’re missing. LOL 🙂

  10. You know what makes me say Yeah Right?!
    When there is 1 guy and 3 girls! Lol

    Seriously??! I doubt that in reality a guy could go all nite with 3 girls… heck, let’s be honest, they can’t handle 1 girl all night!!! lol

  11. too funny about the callused fingers!

  12. Ally – 🙂

    Jen – I haven’t read her Colter’s series, but I hear that, even with the ‘strange arrangement’, it’s a good book. 🙂

    Jess – Yup, apparently it must be foursomes and fivesomes and moresomes!

  13. FV – Geez Sophia. Where do YOU live where this stuff happens all the time?! 😉

    Thali – “they can’t handle 1 girl all night!!!” – LOL

    Sharon – Badly callused fingers are like overly-gelled hair – not so much sexy. 🙂

  14. @Jessica – I hadn’t thought of the jealousy aspect. What threw me off was the mundane stuff like ‘Oh we’re not saying you have to cook. We can do the cooking.’ Yeah to the Right.

    @Julie – Yeah, despite the 3 to 1 thing the story’s not half bad.


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